I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
vagina is talking i cant
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
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