you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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