So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Randomize
