too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
