WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
