i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
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