I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
