I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
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