She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Randomize
