i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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