He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
