i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize