I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
My vagina is very pro this idea
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
