Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
