I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
