you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
