So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
