You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
