why didn't you poke me back
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
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