you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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