lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Mom said you looked used
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Randomize
