I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Randomize
