Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
My brain says no but my pants say off.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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