I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
