Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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