I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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