id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
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