Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
