a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
where are my eyebrows?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
