There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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