I wish I could punch you in the face.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
We were destined to go to rehab together
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
