I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
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