bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Randomize
