Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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