this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
