Have you finally orgasmed yet?
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
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