I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
