We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Randomize
