Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
