I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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