Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
