I just saw a hot homeless man
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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