I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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