just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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