I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
