He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
