You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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