First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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