So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
