I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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