i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
