your room smells of hookers.
And success
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
