there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
