It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I currently don't understand fingers.
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