Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
