so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
