I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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