Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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