Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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