when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
