Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
