Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Randomize
