i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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