hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize