I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
