i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Randomize
