dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
just tell him i said nine months
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
