Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
