The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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