my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize