Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Randomize
